Zeronial

I am the poet that was forced to become a soldier on the battlefield that is life. The dream of being an artist grew out of the extreme lonliness of a cruel and unworthy existence which can only be brought on by the most wicked kind of people: Children. From the first moments of spite, I started shrinking. I shrank over the years until I was nothing but a vessel of other people's biased and unfounded hatred.
At the crossroad between self-destruction or breakthrough, I turned the tide with my own hands. Instead of letting waves strike me down I broke the waves, shattered them upon the cliffs of my psyche.

As I broke all relations with people that I met daily, in one stroke, I plummeted into self-chosen exile. I finally felt like I was in control of my own situation for the first time in nine years, but this blessed solitude came at a grave price. I was forced to almost completely freeze my own feelings towards external interest. By raising mental walls against my direct surroundings I became free in my chained existence.

Three years later, I came out of that extremely hostile environment. For the first time in twelve years I felt free and it was mindblowing. The shock of feeling free was too much for me to bear and I had a smaller mental breakdown that summer, where I cried for hours. I just couldn't understand what I had been through and I felt scarred.

Those scars have not healed even though it's soon been ten years since the worst of it. During and after my time as bullied I created poetry and art. Since I got out of the mental-state of being hunted, which took a number of more years, I stopped writing and I stopped sketching. Maybe I stopped because I tried to convince myself that I was finally over it, that I finally could let go.

But that's just a romanticized dream. We can't go back to the times before bad things happened to us and we cannot walk forward without our old experiences, clinging on like parasites.

I don't know how much time I will spend on art but I feel as if Deviantart is my forum for whatever endeavour I get myself into. This is where I started my creativity, this is my home. I hope we will be able to share our demons together.